The Story
Those of you who know us will probably be unsurprised to hear that we have been trying for a baby. Those of you who don't know us, here's a bit about us - we met just as the world was going into lockdown, a pandemic love-story, if you like. After many hours of talking on the phone, we were madly in love before we'd even met, and have grown soppier and more crazy about each other every day since. We married in October last year, a fairytale day, and not long after that decided to start trying for the baby we'd always talked about having.
Fast forward to today, and we are in a position we could not have imagined in our worst nightmares. You hear of so many couples who struggle to conceive, and yet never for a second think it could be you. Well, it turns out, we are one of those couples. Test results have shown that the only way it will be possible for us to have a baby of our own is with IVF (ICSI, to be precise!). There is a 1% chance of us ever conceiving the old-fashioned way...so the odds are stacked heavily against us.
Those of you who know us will know that Si already has a wonderful son (and those of you who don't know us, now you know too!) and we assumed we'd have no problems conceiving a child. But here we are.
Having been to our GP and after many hours researching, we have discovered that we aren't eligible for any NHS help, because Si already has a child. Despite NICE Guidelines stating that any woman under the age of 40 should be offered 3 rounds of IVF/ICSI, Buckinghamshire (where we live) have chosen to not follow those guidelines, and state that if either partner already has a child, the couple is ineligible for NHS treatment. Of course, while we understand that funding is massively depleted across the NHS as a whole, and there are many, many deserving causes, at the same time it has struck us as devastatingly unfair that Kat should potentially lose the opportunity to be a mother, simply due to funding criteria where we live and the prejudicial rules blocking step parents from becoming biological parents to children of their own. The fact that a person should need fertility treatment, and yet can be refused that treatment because their partner has a child, is a really, really hard pill to swallow.
The Plan
So. We've cried, we've curled up in a ball and grieved, and now we're here. Formulating a plan, and asking for your help. Private IVF/ICSI treatment is incredibly expensive, costing on average £5,000-£6,000 per round, depending on where you have treatment and what the individual circumstances are. In our case, costs are even greater than this as our infertility is due to male factor, which means additional testing, additional procedures, and additional freezing requirements.
The base level cost of IVF/ICSI at our chosen clinic is £3,950 for one round (this doesn't include additional costs needed for every round, such as sperm and embryo freezing, additional medications etc which total around £2000 minimum) so that is what we have set our target as, as big an ask as that is and as out of reach as it seems. Optimistic as we are trying to be, the likelihood is that we will need more than one round, with success rates per round ranging from 25%-32%, and we are facing a potentially crippling bill to have a child of our own, at a time where soaring costs of living are hitting us (and everyone else!) extremely hard.
If we were fortunate to raise funds over £3,950, they would go towards the further costs associated with treatment, and if we were somehow fortunate enough to raise funds above and beyond what was needed in total for us to have a baby, we pledge to donate those funds to The Fertility Foundation, who offer grants to those having to pay for fertility treatment.
We know that this is such a big ask, and in honesty, neither of us is comfortable asking for help, especially in times such as these where we are all struggling just to get by. And yet we also know that so many people who we have told our story to have asked us how they can help. And this is how*
*hugs, shoulders to cry on, thoughts and prayers also all gratefully received
With immense love and gratitude,
Kat and Si xxx