Build A Room For My Son's Homeless Friend

Aim

My son's homeless friend has been sleeping on our sofa for two years. We want to build him a room of his own

Alex, 26, who we’ve always known as Radar, is one of the "hidden homeless".  He's been living in our living room, and sleeping on our sofa, for the last two years. It looks like he's going to be with us for at least another four years and we would love to give him a room of his own. We have come up with a way to do it for only £4,000, but the only way that's going to happen is if good-hearted people help us crowdfund the project. Let me explain.

First, Radar's story.  

We've known Radar since he was 11 years old. Our eldest son became his friend almost as soon as he started secondary school. As a teen, Radar spent increasing amounts of time at our house, often sleeping over in my son's room. What we didn't know that it was increasingly difficult to be at his own home, because of his violent and abusive stepfather. His dad was an alcoholic and Radar couldn't stay there either. 

At 16, just as he was starting his 'A' levels, Radar went round to his Dad's flat and discovered him dead. It is traumatic enough for your dad to die when you're a teenager without being the one to find his body. Radar, understandably, found it impossible to concentrate on his school work. He dropped out of school a few weeks later and spiralled into depression. His GP offered him anti-depressants but he received no bereavement support or counselling. It was probably about this time that he asked if I would adopt him. I asked if he thought his mum would consent to that and he said no. So we didn't officially adopt him but he didn't have anywhere he could safely be but at ours.

He was still living on my son's bedroom floor at the time. Our house isn't big and there's little floor space so it was a case of putting down a single mattress at night and propping it against the wall during the day. By the time he was around 20 it's fair to say we also really needed the room they were both occupying, since our "baby" daughter was now 9 years old and still sleeping in a cot-bed in our bedroom.  So we asked Radar and my eldest son to move out, and they found a place together in Worthing (more affordable) and later moved back to Brighton to share a flat with another couple of friends.

Radar had found work shelf-stacking at a local supermarket, doing night shifts. However, his mental health got worse, and he would get signed off sick for weeks and sometimes months at a time. Eventually he was signed off long-term sick. Two years ago, he and and my son had to move out of the flat they were renting, which was being sold. But none of the private landlords would accept Radar because he was on sickness benefits (and the waiting list for council housing and housing co-ops were very long). This was despite his housemates (who were all in work) offering to act as guarantor. My son had to accept they wouldn't be able to rent a place with Radar, and found a place without him. Radar was then homeless.

He was deeply depressed at this time, and we were concerned about him. He had nowhere to go. We suggested he move in because we couldn't bear to see him on the streets. Later, he confessed to us he had been planning to commit suicide.

Over the next few months his mental health stabilised. He said he would like to go to University. He had no 'A' Levels but found out there was a degree at the local university, with an additional 'Foundation' year for people without the ‘A’ Levels. He started last October, living in Halls, which was exciting at first. But he found living away from home difficult, and his mental health deteriorated. After a term, at Christmas, he was back with us. 

This year he has restarted university, this time living with us, and things are going well. It seems likely that he will need to stay with us for some time to come, possibly for the whole four years of the degree. And we understand that we are now his family. He has nobody else. So he might always need to come back here for a time, even after he’s fully-fledged.

What he has needed all along is a supportive family around him so he can rebuild his life. The problem has simply been that we haven't really had room for him. We have *made* room as best we can (in our living room) but it isn't ideal for anyone. He sleeps on the sofa and spends his days in the corner of the living room on a big cushion, with his computer set up on a garden table. He doesn't really have any privacy, and sometimes we don't have a place to relax in the evenings, because he has to go to bed early to get up for lectures.

Our Situation

We have no spare bedrooms: two of my grown-up sons live with us, one with his girlfriend (to help them save up for their own places), plus me, my husband and our sixteen-year daughter.  We also have no spare money. My husband has a long-term condition that means he is unable to work. I am currently holding down two jobs to pay the bills, and carrying a lot of debt from the fact that I had to provide for a family of six (sometimes seven) on a low-income for many years, without any financial help or child-support for the last 16 years. All our bills have gone up recently, food bills, water bills, and we've had to repair the boiler, replace the fridge, cover a big car repair etc. There never seems to be anything spare. But we would love to give Radar a room of his own. And we can do it, with your help. 

The Plan

Right next to the living room is a very narrow passage where we have the compost bin and a bunch of wood and plant pots. 

It is 4.3m x 1.2m.  If we make it into a lean-to by adding a polycarbonate roof and a 'conservatory'-style end wall, it would be just big enough for a single bed at one end and a small desk and chair at the other. We'd need to turn the existing window into a doorway (moving a radiator to make that possible), floor it, insulate it with plasterboard and give it a skim of plaster, have a couple of powerpoints put in, and some lights.... but most of it (barring the electrics, plumbing and plastering) I could do myself. (I'm fairly handy).  I've costed the project out, including all the materials, carpeting (which I think it would need to feel a bit cosier than a lean-to!), a basic single bed, desk and chair, and with a contingency of 10% it comes to a fraction over £4,000.

Here's how that is broken down:

 Previous DIY projects

You might be wondering whether I'm up to the task. No question, it's my most ambitious project to date, but I've done some serious DIY projects in the past, not least rebuilding my daughter's bedroom from scratch, which included re-flooring and making her a mezzanine bed platform.  

(pic)

I have a good selection of power tools to make life easier, especially when working with timber, including a hand-held circular saw, a mitre saw, an oscillating multitool, a Makita cordless drill & screwdriver set, a reciprocating saw and much besides. So I have the skills and am up for the challenge of the woodworking and roofing parts. All I need is the materials and a budget for the plasterer, plumber and electrician.

 Can you help?

Any amount you could give would be amazing.  We would love to give Radar a room by Christmas (since his corner is where the Christmas tree normally goes!) but that's probably not realistic, especially since it's getting colder and it will get harder to work outside. But if I could get the polycarbonate roof and walls up (thick multi-wall polycarbonate to keep the heat in as much as possible) who knows?  Any time would be better than not at all.  It would just be amazing to give Radar a room of his own, so that he can really feel he has a stable base, some privacy, and a place to be alone when this bustling household gets a bit much for him.

 If you think this is a worthy cause, any small amount you can spare will be amazing. I will keep this project updated with photographs and progress reports. Can we do this?  Let's find out!

You can support this project, even if you can’t contribute, by sharing on social media, and you might even use the hashtag #RoomForRadar so we can amplify your sharing. Whatever you decide, we thank you (and Radar thanks you) for reading.

(If this works to budget and we don’t need the contingency fund, I'll get the sofa reupholstered, because it has worn right through!)

#RoomForRadar

This project successfully funded on 21st November 2019