Boys Cry Too: Let's Change the Message

So who am I and what's the book?

Thanks for coming to take a look at my Crowdfunder. My name is Suzanne Hemming and I'm an author and publisher at Thea Chops Books. How Frank Helped Hank is my 3rd rhyming storybook for children aged 0-8, and tells the story of a boy named Frank, who teaches his dad, Hank, that it's ok for boys to feel sad and to cry.

Can you tell us a bit more about the book?

Of course! Frank’s dad Hank has some pretty outdated views and is always saying, man up, and, don’t cry like a girl. Hank tells his son that crying is not something men do at all. During a family trip to a butterfly house, Hank shames his son when he asks to buy a glittery butterfly wand, saying it’s only for girls. After a crazy mishap on the walk home involving a football, a dog and a bee, Frank can see his dad is hurting, and following the advice of his good friend Florence, tells him “Let it out, have a cry, don’t keep it inside, it will help you feel better, you’ll see.” Frank helps his dad Hank to understand that there’s nothing wrong with boys feeling sad, showing their feelings, and talking about it.

Why 'at least' 1,000 copies?

To put 1,000 books into UK schools would be an amazing achievement in itself. But honestly, I dream of able to put more books into more schools and reach more children! So for now, we're setting the target as 1,000 books / £5,000. But every £5 donated after that, puts another book into a classroom. And really, we would love to raise £25,000 and put 5,000 books into schools!

Why should we help you put at least 1,000 copies into schools?

That's a good question! Well, because it’s really good! Seriously though, and we do need to get serious for a moment, there are three main reasons I would love for key stage 1 children to have access to this book: 

1) Their mental wellbeing after a frankly unprecedented year spent at home, isolated from friends and family, doing schoolwork at home, and generally not being able to be kids for the best part of a year. 

And reasons 2 and 3) To change the fact that suicide is one of the biggest killers in the UK for men under the age of 45, and to stop violence against women and girls.

Woah there Suze! That's some serious stuff for a kid's book eh?

It is, you're absolutely right. But reading books is a brilliant way to start a conversation with kids about big topics.And these are big topics, that we shouldn't shy away from, but discuss with children in an age appropriate way from day 1. We locked down on 23rd March 2020 and if your child is in reception that’s a fifth of their life. Anxiety, loneliness, confusion, introversion, there will be so many emotions to be aware of and talk about; and this book can help start that conversation. I’ve been doing school readings over Zoom and Teams and the kids are SO into talking about this! They almost all want to tell me that it’s ok for all children, boys included, to feel sad and to talk about it. That it's ok to cry. And those children who aren’t so sure, maybe because of what they’ve learned from a family member, well that seed is now sown.

I get the mental wellbeing angle Suze, but suicide and violence against women?

Back in 2017 I first read that in the UK, suicide is one of the biggest killers of men under the age of 45. 84 men a week take their own life. 84.

I was horrified when I read this and in reading more, learned that 'toxic masculinity' is the idea that society expects men to behave in a certain ‘manly’ way. From a young age both boys and girls will hear phrases like: man up, don’t cry like a girl, don’t like ‘girly’ things, don’t run / throw like a girl, don’t show your feelings. We dismiss bad behaviour with a "boys will be boys' laugh and tell girls he's mean to you because he likes you. The list goes on and we’ll all recognise things that we've heard, and probably said before. In giving little boys the message to man up we're teaching them that being manly, ie. strong an angry, is better than being girly, ie emotional, empathetic. It teaches them that ‘girly’ things, and girls, are beneath them, at the same time teaching girls, that they are less than boys.

So we raise another generation of boys who think they have to be strong, silent, and manly, who don't talk about how they feel. It's not a massive leap to understand that some of those boys will grow up so unable to talk about how sad they feel, that they'll think taking their own life is their only option. And some of them will grow up believing that girls are less of an equal and more of an object.

I have a daughter; she's 8. I want her and her generation to come out of this pandemic year and flourish. I want her to be open about her mental wellbeing. I want her to feel safe in the world. I want the boys and men in her life to stand by her side, and view her as an equal. I want those boys and men to talk about feeling sad, to reach out for help, to not take their own lives. I want to change the messages that our children receive. Let's change the message.

Suze, I'm in. What happens next?

If you're still with me I am incredibly grateful. Your donation counts and can help. Just a £5 pledge puts a book into a key stage 1 classroom. You don't need to do anything other than click on the donate link. I'll be contacting schools, having enough copies of the book printed, buying and stuffing envelopes, sticking labels and stamps, and sending books to teachers and children over the coming months. Your donations will make that happen. If you'd like to and are able to pledge more, you will send more and more copies to classrooms around the UK. Thank you. Suze x