About 19 years ago I started singing. Singing for other people. Singing in studios, in bands, backing vocals, in theatres, on stages, recording choirs, producing vocal arrangements...all other peoples music.
I have been lucky enough to work with some utterly phenomenal people over the years. I've learned a hell of a lot about how best to work, how to create, the type of musician and writer I want to be...and don't want to be. I've honed my craft, I've performed around the world on stages big and small. I've given everything I've got to honour the musicianship of other people, to respect their work. I even went to university to study my profession...
I have played piano for years, written melodies, harmonies and words about the world around me and how it makes me feel, but I've never released anything. Ever. I've never pushed myself to create a real 'thing' that is start to finish, mine. For every song I have written I have then spent weeks undoing the creativity in my head and telling myself that I'm not good enough, nobody is going to want to hear my music and that I'm way out of my depth. Who wants to listen to what I have to sing about anyway?
In the last few months I have been working as part of a collective of singers, songwriters, producers, film makers and facilitators (One Day Anthem and Music at Work). Alongside a few rare and beautiful individuals in my life, these people have been instrumental in motivating me to make this happen. I have found myself amongst a group that I have at times felt like a true imposter based on the collective talent. Watching the way this team of incredible people create, the way they talk about what inspires them, hearing and experiencing their work, how they dedicate time and energy, pouring themselves into their chosen creative field...unapologetically. I am incredibly lucky to have many supremely talented humans that exist in their field, bringing music, sound, connectivity, human interaction, images, and visuals into my life. I think it has taken me a very long time to see that I genuinely didn't believe I belonged amongst such people as an equal. It has forced me to hold myself accountable and really look at why I hadn't done anything like this before. How come I have nothing to show for all the years of being a singer other than a few youtube and instagram videos of me covering other peoples music?
Fear. Fear of failure.
Somehow over the last few months, I have unsettled the belief that I'm 'not good enough'. I took a leap of faith and sent a little video of a song I had written to a friend that I hugely admire, someone that I knew would be honest, and he said words that struck the final chord I needed. He said,
"I feel it....which in my books is what I'm always wanting in music and performance. It might sound cliche but theres no right or wrong way to write a song, only your way. It feels like you're reaching into something new...keep reaching. There's deep rivers at work here and I know you've got the sails for the journey. Be as vulnerable as possible and people will follow you."
So here I am. I made a deal with myself that if I felt the need to 'pull the plug' on this project, I would simply stand still. No looking back. Be in the moment or move forward. No looking back.
I have written several songs. Songs about love, in all its forms. About my failings, the connections, songs about moments gone by...I have worked at them. Pulled them apart and put them back together again...They are ready for the ears of a producer, for musicians and for a place to bring them to life. The EP even has a title...which I shall keep to myself for now.
I have everything in place but now I just need the bit thats missing..and this is where you guys come in...
Anything you can give to this project, however big or small, will mean that I can pay musicians, a producer, pay for mixing, mastering, for artwork...and for the time in a studio.
I'll be making the EP available for FREE download to anyone who chucks £5 or over in the pot. And for anyone that puts £20 or more in, I'll be having an EP launch gig, which you can come to for FREE!
For now, this is as much as I can say...It's all very new to me and I'm excited...terrified, but excited.