Revolutions Cost Money: £ Wanted in Exchange for Rewards
***THRILL-SEEKERS / PRANKSTERS / ALL-ROUND LEGENDS WANTED FOR MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL EXCHANGE*** APPLY WITHIN.
Are you enjoying the world right now? Are you having a nice, lovely time of it all?
No, didn’t think so. Everything basically sucks and anyone who feels ‘fine’ about it is either enviably mad, or tripping on something pretty high-class.
So, if you’re sane & depressed as hell about the state of the world, keep reading.
Equally though, if you’re not depressed but feel like seeing some desperate people make fools of themselves, keep reading.
We here at Beyond Politics have a mighty fine/ utterly indecent proposal for you…
The problem? Where to start. The Arctic is ablaze, our homegrown lambrini*-doused fascists are out on the streets, we have the highest covid death-toll in Europe, our shop awnings are filling up with the homeless and even though we live in one of the wealthiest countries on earth, the food bank queue runs round the block.
The cause? It’s simple really: the political elite are by and large self-serving, incompetent careerists who prioritise short-term gains over the good of this country and the ordinary people in it.
The solution? Equally simple (BUT NOT CHEAP - HINT HINT): we bring down this stupefyingly callous government & the broken political system that holds it in place, and replace them both with something that actually makes sense. Citizens Assemblies.
That’s decisions made BY ordinary people, FOR ordinary people.
With real power in the hands of nurses, librarians, artists, mothers, grandmothers, plate-spinners, gardeners and teachers, decisions that impact our lives will be made with empathy (something not seen in British politics since these great isles were ruled by wild dogs).
There is one small catch - and that be money. We need it. Please give us some of yours?
I know what you’re thinking, we haven’t even bought you a sodding drink yet! We get it. You’re just not like that. It’s 2020 and you deserve an equal relationship.
Well, in return for your hard-earned, revolution-fuelling cash, we are prepared to make utter twats of ourselves purely for your entertainment.
Want to see a bunch of awkward losers dance around naked, lockdown flab jiggling seductively, whilst eating a victoria sponge? You got it!
Want to see us abseil Big Ben in order to plant a great big pink dildo in the scaffolding? We’ll think about it! No, we will seriously seriously consider it, and that’s more than you can say for anyone else on this website, surely.
It’s all up for grabs. You got to be in it to win it. Spin the wheel of fortune... etc etc insert other game-show tropes here.
Click the donate button, and leave a comment with your ridiculous request. The bigger the donation, the more extreme your reward.
So, there you have it.
This is not a drill, the stakes couldn’t be higher, and we are serious.
*DISCLAIMER: lambrini is alright, this was merely a hilarious joke.
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