For as long as I can remember I’ve suffered with severe anxiety and depression. I have taken many different medications over the years to try and get myself better and live life to the fullest.
I have always hated the way I look and it running my life. I have counselling and I am actively saving for surgery, but I am struggling to meet the costs of surgery in the United Kingdom. I have considered flying out to a different country for a quick procedure and flying home, but I have had concerns raised about the dangers of doing this. I know I’ll either survive and enjoy my body more or I could die trying to be the person I see myself as in my head.
I have body dysmorphia and am eating disorder due to how my weight makes me feel. I have lost over 25kg so far and I’m still going but I’m trying to do this in a more healthy way, my weight has maintained for over a month now. However I’m now left with excess skin which I would like a tummy tuck to fix, I can’t see my future with me still looking this way. I won’t get dressed near a mirror, I cover myself when I bath, I still wear clothes that are too big for me because I feel like whatever I do or wear I’m disgusting and other people will think I’m disgusting too.
When I was younger food was my crutch, it made me feel good to eat bad foods but then came the guilt but I couldn’t stop the eating pattern. I struggled growing up. I didn’t have the “normal” childhood and I now have a neurological condition due to the trauma I had to deal with from such a young age and still today I’m battling with what happened. I’ve felt true hunger, the pain, the agony. I used to sneak tins of food to my bedroom to eat at night so I could eat something. So growing up I ate so I never felt hunger again and I over ate and kept eating until I felt sick and was physically sick and then I’d eat again, just so I wasn’t hungry. I was bullied at school too for my appearance, not only my weight but having dirty clothes or not being washed, these weren’t personal choices I made but it was the life I had to live. I have always felt like I’m not good enough and that I don’t fit in anywhere because of my weight and how I look. I just want to be happy, to live the life I know I can and be who I see myself in my head as a reality.
If you can help I’d be so grateful, I am saving myself and I am not just expecting strangers to find my surgery, but I simply can’t see myself like this anymore and wake up everyday and keep looking at myself and hating what I see.
Even 1p or £1 will bring me closer to my goal and the happiness that will follow.
Please don’t see this as begging, I really am exhausting all my options to raise funds.
I would be eternally grateful
Unfortunately my photos are too large to upload but I will keep trying.
Thank you for reading.