I am crowdfunding to help raise the £750, alongside working all kinds of jobs, selling artworks, and selling the stuff I no longer need.
This voyage is a mirror to my own inner journey, and a precursor, an experiential interview, for a planned voyage the team aim to take to The Antarctic.
Participation in such an adventure fills me with fear- the cold, dark edge of the known world awaits, and somehow, I want to be there at that edge and with my fear.
I appreciate this kind of ask is weighted with so much cultural belief, it's a big part of the sense of risk-taking and of asking life for support for creative projects grounded in love. This adventure is by way of a creative vision of the future, of setting off with a sense of adventure, feeling well-equipped and in a community who are working together, but each for their own personal experience.
It's with this poetic spirit, I offer a story to all those who invest their financial support. I am a writer and storyteller and will come back from this adventure with a story. I do not know what it will be till I return, I realise, both the investment and the anticipation of the return may in turn excite, or intrigue, or stir up darker material!!!
The story I will write will not simply be 'my story' though. It will, I hope, be a vessel to carry inspiration for those who read it, to set on adventures of all kinds, and feel rewarded by life, in doing so.
Aged 47 I come to own the creative potential within me, and also the fears still existing around being in the world, around being active, and visible, around asking for help, and taking opportunities that don't fit in the cultural role I have supported for so much of my life.
There's a voice from the past that says, I shouldn't do this, that says I should invest in security, in a kind of safety. I'm asking for your financial support because I know that such security is an illusion, and that material comforts cannot replace answering the call of spirit.
When do I step up and start really living my life as the one chance I have, to be this human being?
Should I wait for permission, or a bequest, or time served in a regular job?
I experienced crewing a sailing ship when I was 23, swearing I'd take up the offer of a free voyage as a volunteer helper, I then went on to live my life, have kids, a creative career and make leaps of faith that bring me to a place I feel I need to make some kind of gesture that mirrors the inner work, the experiences I've had through engaging with counseling, therapy, shamanism, and somatic healing practices that have offered me the chance to re-engage with life beyond the shadow of trauma.
I have 2 beautiful children, enjoyed some success as a visual artist based on the North East Coast of England went back to finish an art degree at 39, after I suffered 'artist's block' and ended up doing post-grad research. I trained in, taught and performed Arabic Dance. I was part of a family and engaged in community activities and school committees. I did these things while suffering symptoms of undiagnosed trauma, so never felt really 'present,' never 'in the moment', or fully, joyfully grateful for my place in the world. I, unknowingly suffered from acute anxiety and depression, having grown up with it, I didn't know any different.
The human has an amazing capacity to survive and to keep going while experiencing an extraordinary inner life, containing catastrophic events and holding onto emotional experiences in order to care for others or to maintain a kind of cultural normality. I was lucky in the respect that, through the effect on my creative career, I couldn't truly serve my creativity in that survival mode. This contrast, in the inner and outer life I explore in writing in myth and fairy tales. I feel life experiences processing healthily and I'm brought to a point of some balance in my life, some sense of being self-sustaining, more healthy in my self-reflective habits.
I have engaged with trauma through counseling and therapy and now feel it has been my teacher. I've trained as a shamanic practitioner and bodyworker and now have a body of creative work, songs, stories and pictures, and a healing practice I'm ready to bring to a wider community.
I'm actively looking forward to life, to meeting those who want to collaborate or to be a creative audience.
The boat, it's a real journey and a poetic one.
I welcome and have gratitude for any contribution to this journey.