In 2019 I had an idea of walking John O'Groats to Lands End I didn't realise it was even a thing people do! I'd already run the London Marathon, done 3 half marathons, and a walking challenge and was eager for a new one.... cue planning and roping in Sister ....more planning...then booking....then Corona virus.......then we're off......and back temporarily due to injury...then back on and off it over the last 4 years as we are now doing it in chunks due to work and family committments.
Carolyne and I are raising funds for the mental health charities that mainly work with young people in memory of Alex my No 1 Son who took his own life, seemingly out of the blue in November 2016.
Whilst Alex was living away from home he started to struggle with maintaining work, money and friendships, and began to isolate himself by ignoring messages or emails and this was a cause of frustration and puzzlement to his family. Despite trying to help him with the practicalities of life, he seemed to resist this, instead wanting to do his own thing. It's always hard for a parent when to know to step in or allow them to find their own way.
Always handsome, with a gorgeous smile and the bluest of eyes, he was quirky and dressed well, loved singing, playing the guitar, music generally and gaming. He was a reader of autobiographies such as Lewis Hamilton and Bob Marley and had a great giggle. One of his most endearing futures was he wide mouth grin and his love of Lidl baked items and the mysteries that surround Korean food.
Depression isn't always obvious. At least it didn't cross my mind that he was depressed. He lived with friends, he seemed to be coping ok. But also in the back of my mind I was worried, I had a niggle. In the months before he died he had swapped jobs, been made redundant, swapped again and been let go. he cried on the phone not really understanding why he couldn't maintain a job. He had however as far as I knew found a new role.
Then someone who we jointly knew told me that he had lost his job again.
The last time I visited his flat, assuming him to be in because I knew he wasn't working I could get no answer. I had driven the hour and a half to see him and take him for lunch with 2 bags of food shopping for him. I'd messaged and phoned but no answer. I knocked on the door and rang the bell, no answer. I went for lunch on my own, and kept trying, no answer. In the end I gave up and went home, puzzled, frustrated, concerned. But I still had no idea that he was so low. I just assumed he was out. He wasn't. He was hiding from me.
In his suicide note he left on his computer he said that he was in but that "if I had opened the door Mum would have known something was wrong". How I wish to the bottom of my heart that he had opened the door.
The following week he was found by a neighbour in the early hours of the morning, having tried to hang himself. He was revived and taken to Kingston Hospital ICU, clinging onto life and our world had been ripped apart. Our world, his parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends was changed forever by this event.
The act that said, I am a burden, I have achieved nothing, I have no wish to go on.
I will always feel like I let him down, I think of him every day. It is hard to think past the loss to the joy that he brought as a baby, toddler, teen and young man. He was such a super young man, my No 1 Son and always will be.
This fundraiser is to raise money for the charities that support other young people with their thoughts and feelings, with their loss of hope. Please support us as we endeavour to walk the length of the UK from JOG to LE carrying our kit in all weathers, challenging ourselves and having our own adventure.
We have already raised £8203.54 (£9366.71 with gift aid) on our former fundraising site VMG but that host has now ceased to exist (the charities already have this money) and as of August 2024 our overall total for this project (benefitting Papyrus, Calm and Young Minds) is £16,535.20. Given our original target was £3000 we are blown away by this amount.
Please help us to increase the support for young people by supporting these charities by donating today.
We've raised in excess of £39000 since Alex died to benefit Mind, Young Minds, Calm, The Kingston Hospital Charity, Papyrus, and Momentum Children's Charity.
I am sure Alex would approve.
We are back on the trail for "Jogle - The Final!" on 3rd April 2025 and hope to be at Lands End around 20/21st April. We are so very excited, grateful and determined, but also sad at the impending end. After so long, seeing so much, experiencing so much, meeting such lovely people, we will finally be there! Wow!
Thank you all so very much for your support xxx
Suzanne (Mum) and Carolyne (Auntie) of Alex xxx