Where do I begin!?
I have suffered low mood most of my life, I have alopecia and first lost my hair when I was 16. As a female that was tough, and I always put my low mood and anxiety down to that. I was a hyperactive child apparently, so it was strange to become an adult who was low and anxious.
Over the years I adapted, got used to being a bald woman, worked extremely hard, bought my own home and worked in the care sector. I also spent a lot of time fundraising, doing various challenges for charities.
- A few years ago I managed to meet a partner who was not put off by my lack of hair. We had a child and Life was complete. Or so I thought! Wrong... childbirth must have stirred up some dormant (well masked) issues. It started just as covid hit and with some nasty neighbours making my life hell and even taking pleasure in causing distress to my dogs by knocking on doors and windows when we were out of the house and keeping my baby awake with loud parties and music. I couldn't even leave the house without the neighbours shouting things at me, about me being fat and bald, i became reclusive. I became more and more distressed, struggling to do my job and crying most days, I stopped being able to even go into the back garden with my baby because they would shout from their windows.
- I broke down, but I didn't know it. I decided to sell the house and convinced myself that my partner and I could buy our dream house. Unfortunately things went from bad to worse because I discovered after the sale that my partner had a mountain of debt and getting a mortgage together would be extremely difficult. But by this point I'd sold the house and we were living living in my parents garage. We somehow managed to get an agreement for a mortgage, paid a deposit on a property and settled into life waiting for the hone to be built. I used money from the sale of the house to clear all of his debts and out the rest away for the purchase. Sadly issues continued to arise. The house build kept getting pushed back and he was becoming miserable, suicidal even.
- During this time a friends landlord heard about our situation and offered us one of his empty houses. We gratefully accepted and pulled out of the new build, started to move our things in. My partner also took this opportunity to change jobs. But on the day I went to make the first rent payment and get the keys officially, the landlord was nowhere to be found. I went to the house to check on things and found all of our stuff had been thrown in a pile at the back door. The landlord sent a message saying he had changed his mind and to remove our things or he would take it to the tip. We heard later that he had not liked me dealing with things and felt a man should have done the business side, and that I especially should not have brought my child (2 at the time) to meetings with him. I was devastated and I believe this was the final thing that broke me. Especially because we tried again to get a mortgage but as my partner had changed jobs we could no longer do so.
- I realise now that I was being reckless, but at the time I had no clue.
- After this, I was broken. I went full breakdown mode, and the result was that I somehow spent all of the mortgage deposit while also amassing £32000 of debts. I decided to quit my job to start a business which ultimately failed. I am aware that my partner is also to blame, but I was previously so good with money and had held down my job successfully for 8 years.
- I became suicidal, especially on moving into council house and realising I could not even afford basics like paint, carpets or wardrobes.
- I have since been diagnosed with ADHD after finding out more about my childhood symptoms and realising that everything that happened after having my child was part of this.
- I am desperately trying to fix my mistakes now, but I need help if any kindhearted person come across this story and wants to assist.
- I am now back at university, studying nursing. And trying to make ends meet. I will never be able to fully fix things but I will never stop trying.