I am a real life Indiana Jones. You can check my CV for further details. I am writing a novel and need some capital to get it published. I am a left-wing environmentalist and aim to spend my potential fortune travelling on safari. Any money donated to my cause (i.e. getting a novel published) will mean a percentage of the royalties earned on the book. I need it by March at the latest. Hurry hurry the hot cakes are selling.