- Hi,I'm Amanda. Previous 2017 being in an abusive relationship being a single parent to 3 children,I had to try and re kindle my relationship with my children. 2017 I was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma and stage 1 lung cancer,5 times,numerous major surgeries treatment I wasn't able to be a good mum as I was poorly all these years and still now. I had sepsis 2 years ago,25 % survival rate taking 2 more years of my life and still recovering to this day. I have this week had pre sepsis again being poorly. My children are my world,I've tried so hard 2 being on the spectrum,them self harming,suicidal thoughts,overdosing the past couple years which I have had to deal alone being a lone parent. I had to homeschool in my state as they were chucked out of college because I was unable to drive them. I lost all c/b t/credits. Big impact and having to use all my benefits to just pay basic bills. My son is 21 next week,I have saved 60.00 for him and another 60.00 for each for Xmas Im using foodbanks,hsf to eat. All my children's big birthdays I haven't had funds and has basically been me cooking a meal they like and a homemade bday cake. I have no spare cash,can't go xmas shopping as I cant drive getting over pre sepsis again. I have to budget so much as I have to do everything online which is costing more,I've made so many cutbacks this year I literally end up with no extra money. Me being poorly again getting over pre sepsis,I have no funds as I wanted my children to have an amazing Xmas this year.They didn't deserve all these lost years with myself,the good Xmas and bdays I used to do they were amazing. 2000 in an abusive relationship until now,they've not had good bdays,Xmas,holidays because of me and my choices. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be around as my cancer I have and my genes makes the melanoma spread faster. I want my sons 21st next week to be amazing and cherished,I want to re do my 2 other children's bdays to be cherished and an amazing Xmas for us as it may be the last. What my children have gone through,seeing me nearly dead,thinking I was going to die,they looked after me which no child should do and what they have all been through many haven't in at their life time they have at such a young age. My immune system has got worse rapidly this year,on the verge of stroke/heart attack/high blood pressure along side alot more. I'm scared I will not see next year,there dad has neglected them so I have been mum and dad since they were all under 5. They are now 18,20 and 21 they have been truly amazing in the most difficult times even bathing me,ringing ambulances,seeing me in hospital,,sorting their food out all under 18 at that age,when I was in for a few months in hospital with sepsis. They all had to do this themselves it got me into debt as they needed food and used my card bearing in mind they had no idea with cooking so it was all ready meals daily. I missed my daughter and sons bdays being in hospital,it broke my heart ❤ I didn't even know it was there bdays. I came home,I couldn't walk,bath,they were clearing up me because I was incontinent,bed bound for at least a year because I had to get discharged from hospital because of covid as I was at risk having both my lungs dissected.I want to make it up to them all,belated birthdays I missed and Christmass I missed.I just want to make up all this lost time with them now to have presents I cant afford presents for bdays,xmas I missedThey deserve so much but I can't give them as I'm basically skint,please im begging for my children for funds as my 3 babies,not now deserve happiness,presents,belated birthdays days and an awesome Christmas this year. I love them so much,they are amazing and I'm so proud of them and how my children have turned out to be most caring kind amazing young adults thay have become,I love them so much all want I want to do is to say thankyou but I can't as I have no money as their dad has got them in debt with motorbikes im trying to help them but all I want to ask is help me please for a family Christmas,a belated bday for all of them thos year as I have failed them. They are my true ginger warriors but have failed as a parent alone and I want to end this bad lot of years on a good noteThey deserve it they are my mine and I want them happy and I want to make it up to them,I beg....I'm crying because it might be a last
ive had an ambulance out 3 times in two weeks this week as there is more going on,im really scared now as alonside ive found out im stroke/heart attack,high blood pressure/carpel tunnel/something isnt right with my brain now which need to be looked into.
i have absolutely no money,its my sons 21st bday next,i have no money for xmas yet again,its battling now with my mental health as all my benefits are on foodshops as im not allowed to drive.my eldest rang the ambulance for me.i have contacted his work and they have a arranged a bday night out for him for a surprise but i cant do anything or afford anything.i have saved 60.00 pounds for to have a bday meal with his girlfriend.i havent even got him a card,i have no money as i have to move over to universal credit.my tree isnt up,i am using food banks to eat.i am so really begging for some funds to help me let my children have an xmas they truely deserve/bdays i want to do belated ones as i was too poorly to even make birthday cakes on their big birthdys. im getting no help and support off teir da. im a total mess,been ringing the crisis lines alot in floods of tears as i dont think i will be about to see in my 50th bday,to celebrate as im one of a triplet which we want to all have i want a special bday.
my children have been an abosute rock to me,they have had to see me naked to get me out the bath,had to clean me up as i lost all motiond down below with messing myself,having to keep checking on me to if if im still breathing.i only found out today my eldest has been going to work in tears as he didnt want to see me looking dead . i now have pre sepsis again so im super poorly again so they think im not going to around much longer
they have no relationship with their dad so im super scared as they are young adults they only have my family.
ii am truely,litterally begging for help fininancially as from 2005 to now,they have looked after me and they so deserve so much morethan what i can give them
they money isnt for me its for me to make up to them to say thankyou as they have gone through so much early life even my mum whos 80 years old hasnt gone through so much trauma in her own life. i need it to make some cherished memories for them to remember me in a good way not through all the bad they have seen me.please anything i just want to see my children happy,takes pics,be able to have pics of us all as a family.
i love them so so much,they are still my babies and although they have gone through so much i am really proud of being 21,20 and 18 they are the most caring children in the world,they lend me money because im always broke and as a parent i feel absolutey disgusted in having to ask to borro money off them.no parent should have to do that.i cant charge them much rent as their dad got them into debt so im feeding them all on my benefits so they can get themself straight agin as that is what a good mum does,but then by doing this im getting myself into debt now.
apologies on seplling my brain isny=t functioning at all this week with sepsis again.PLEASE HELP AND LET ME BE ABLE TO SEE THEM CRY IN A JOYFUL WAY SO I CAN SHOW THEM HOW MUCH I APPREIATE WHAT THEY HAVE DONE FOR ME ALL THESE YEARS
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