In autumn 2018, I've got bitten by 4 ticks in the forest and I've contracted Lyme disease.
My whole life, as I knew it, collapsed in a period of a few weeks and this is first time I am actually opening myself about it and writing it down.
From the happiest and healthiest person I've known, who for entire life have never ate any supplements, haven't been ill for over decade before that happened and never took any painkillers, I've turned into someone who have collected literally boxes of drugs – vitamins, various supplements, probiotics and wide selection of strong antibiotics.
In a matter of few weeks after bites I have experienced blood in my stool, constant headache, full body shakes after walking up a dozen of stairs, entire body itchy rash turning into painful bubbles the moment I scratched it and there was a period when I've had so terrible insomnia that I couldn't sleep at all for several nights in a row which almost turned me insane and brought to the edge of suicidal thoughts. I have been loosing orientation and there were moments when I didn't know where I am in my own city and moments when my mind turned so terribly bad I had no clue how to work out simple math like 23+7. I've had laser surgery in my both eyes, because they were so badly inflammed that there was high risk of retina detachment and loosing my eyesight. I have had whole systemic infection which affected every part of my body and I could count nearly 50 different symptoms.
I have been on several strong antibiotics for a few months, as long as I felt good enough to stop them breaking my body even more than the illness itself.
I understood that in order to survive I need to completely change my life, my habits, my diet and try to heal myself within natural methods as I truly believe in mother nature and power of natural healing abilities of our bodies.
During my illness my wife has decided that she doesn't want to be my wife any more, so I've been left to deal with it on my own. I have been told that I am making all of this up, that I am just attention seeker, that this all is just my creation. I do not consider myself a weak person though - in a previous decade I have hitchhiked dozens thousands of miles across the globe, I've cycled almost length of equator around Asia, I have been living in a car traveling around Europe just to climb, I have been cooking in a high-pressure top-end restaurants around Scotland. And I never complained about my health even if I've been sick. Yet I've been made feeling guilty anytime I wanted to share what I am going through or ask for support.
I have been hoping many times that one morning I will wake up just to realize that this is all just a bad dream. It never happened.
I have spent weeks trying to accept what is happening and figure out the way out. Why this universe has dropped such a bomb on my life? Why me? Why is this happening? And answers has been slowly coming.
Why me? Because I can handle it! Because I can get over it. Because I can overgrow it! Because love can overcome everything! And if I will give up, that will be a massive insult to every single person who struggle more than me every single day, but is still fighting.
I have spent thousands of pounds for every possible treatment – antibiotics, rife machine, magnetic fields, acupuncture, kambo, rapé, reiki, crystal healing, sound healing, immune strengthening natural mushrooms, Chinese, European and Latin herbs and tinctures. I became spiritual person, I am meditating two hours a day to keep my nervous system calm and I am doing yoga every single day to keep my body strong enough and balanced. I keep my diet vegan and as clean as possible – fresh organic vegetables, fruits and pulses to keep my body away from inflammation which easily become a case if I do not follow it and manifest as brain fog, panic attacks or extreme tiredness.
I've stopped eating processed food, sugar or gluten, I do not drink alcohol or any type of sugary drinks, neither coffee.
I did my way out of most of the symptoms looking after myself, spending time in nature breathing fresh air, doing spiritual practices and maintaining physical activity, eating as healthy as possible. I have realized how fragile and amazing our life is, how wonderful people around this globe are, despite what is happening to us we all love life and we all love to feel sunshine on our body or breeze of rain making our face wet on typical rainy Scottish day. How amazing each of us is, how beautiful is to smile to stranger you are passing on the street, how amazing it is to go for a walk to the forest. I have developed huge gratitude for what I have been able to experience thorough my life, for people I have been able to meet and moments of my life I have been able to experience.
I no longer fear death, everything happens for a reason and any time it is to come to me, I invite it to come.
I feel extreme gratitude for all the people who have helped me to get me to this point where I tell myself everyday how lucky I am to still be here, where I can tell myself and believe that I am reasonably healthy, even though my body sometimes do uncontrollable muscle twitches and movements, my hands shake and I still have deprived sleeping patterns, I do not pay attention to it any more. I keep my mind happy and healthy, with believe that my body will follow. If just for a few years, let it be! If for another forty years, let it be. I do not need my body fully functional any more to spread happiness.
But, despite all of that... I still found it hard to escape depressed state of my body.
One day I went to music festival with intention to simply be around positive people. As soon as I've started to dance I have realized that it brings back true smile to my face and makes me feel alive! That moment I also understood that the most valuable thing we can do on this planet is to make other people smile!
I have told myself I can dance myself out of any illness or difficulty life throws at me. Happiness is always within us!
I immediately wanted to spread this message and I have started making the video which I am sharing with you today, to also show how beautiful Scotland truly is – hopefully it will bring smile to your face, even if for a short moment! I have spent a few months going to different parts of Scotland even though sometimes with complete lack of energy. I am very, very happy I have managed to accomplish this video.
It has never been finished completely though. It has been planned it to be longer, but one day on my way south to England from Glasgow I have had a car accident. My car has skidded in a wet corner and rolled over a few times to end up on the roof. All my stuff has been scattered within 50 yards around and my car has been completely destroyed. I've lost my laptop along with all data, my camera and my lenses with all the equipment for video making. The video I publish for you today is what has been saved on external hard drive which survived.
Yet, I've had not a single scratch, neither there was anybody else to get involved in the accident. What a blessing!
I still do not want to give up my dreams to experience this life to the fullest and in the same time I want to give something good and valuable into this world. I have always been passionate about video making and I will continue doing that. I want to document alternative healing methods around this planet, spiritual development and practices that can help us ease or erase our suffering and produce videos to share how strong those unnoticed everyday individual warriors are. I will document and share my own path and development through various healing methods and spiritual practices and share my insights and experiments about healthy diet to bring back natural healing abilities.
If my work can give hope and bring smile to those who need it the most, it is worth every effort.
I am myself extremely grateful to countless people who had lifted me up, helped me or who brought smile to my face, though most of them are probably not even conscious of it. I am strong enough now to give something back by showing that everything is possible, no matter what your circumstances are. Love and positivity can overcome everything!
Many with Lyme disease has been called simulators, attention seekers or liars, just because pain isn't visible to the external world and because it doesn't go away within couple of weeks. We often feel humiliated for the fact that we even feel this pain, even more of it when we cannot tell anyone about it, because they are tired of it and don't want to hear any of that any more. We need to spread awareness about that! How many of us in Scotland has been bitten by ticks and we suffer from unexplained arthritis, food allergies or serious neurological based disease with unknown root of it?
Believe in yourself, love yourself, even when people around deny you.
I am raising money to re-buy necessary equipment for video making, editing and producing which I have lost during my car crash. To be able to attempt spiritual practices and different body, mind and emotional healing methods so I am able to share my experience, insights and advice to those who need it. So I can develop myself enough to in the future be able to help others in a more direct way. To document my own path through this experience and to show the world how ordinary people are often most extraordinary and most beautiful. How we are all connected. I want to find the truth and ask people what makes them laugh, what makes them sad, what makes them happy? What they fear? What they love? How they overcome their fears? How they overcome their illness? And share it with the world.
I have been working as a chef in Scotland for many years now. Last few months I've been working as part-time chef in the area of Argyll, but I have spent a lot of my savings from previous years and from what I've been earning for various therapies, often alternative or controversial. Also, it is very difficult to keep working towards cooking passion when you are unable to taste most of the food you produce.
Please, help me spread hope and love around this planet. Let light overcome the shadow!