The money raised will pay my rent and bills for this coming September. It will allow me to move back into my beloved North London flat and get back the stability I so desperately need.
Honestly this has been one of the toughest years of my life. It's been really messy and full of uncertainty. I suffer from depression and lost my job in May of this year (To be clear my employer was not at fault in any way!). I have been trying desperately to heal and figure out what I want and how I can achieve it. I am so proud to say that I am back on my feet and have found my clarity and am working towards it everyday.
Unfortunately this has come a bit too late. My savings have run out and I have no one else to help me. (I'm also not very good at asking for help.) I tried Airbnb while staying with friends but it doesn't make enough. I've tried applying for temp work but nothing is coming through. I've had an interview for a very promising role this week. The timing however is a bit off and that is why I'm having to ask for help for September only.
I just want to go home...
And this is my full story:
In January 2015 I had a breakdown. Or what I now like to call my breakthrough.
I can now see that this was my own personal stop sign. My body physically making me stay in bed to rest recover and figure things out!
Up until this point I had been carrying around a bag so heavy, a bag filled with all of my past hurts, decades of depression and unresolved childhood trauma.
I had tried therapy and alternative healing for years but nothing quite stuck. So instead I emotionally ate, worked too hard to cover my pain and ran away from my hometown of Ottawa to Toronto. That wasn’t far enough. I kept running onto Australia, then London, and even Amsterdam to try and find answers.
Professionally I worked as an interior designer. For over a decade I had opportunities to be part of amazing international projects such as Bloomingdale’s, Selfridges, Harrods and Burberry. I worked with incredible design teams and even had the privilege of mentoring younger designers. Those around me kept saying how proud I should be of my accomplishments but inside I felt empty. With each corporate job feeling more and more like a caged bird.
I would find myself almost daily asking why couldn’t I be happy and accept that this is just how life is?
So my body finally stopped me. I could not carry on this way and had some big decisions to make.
My healing journey had begun.
This also made me realise a huge truth. We are only ready when we are ready.
I started seeing a therapist (and this time it did stick) who helped me understand my past and find acceptance. A wealth coach helped open my eyes to new possibilities and the idea that I didn’t need to fit into any traditional box. I could step out and create my own path. I was able to let go of my old money beliefs and shift my lack mentality. Yoga, meditation and journaling helped me find movement and stillness. I felt like I had breathed deeply for the first time in years. I did a deep dive into nutrition, gut health and it’s relationship to mental health. Countless books, podcasts, Mindvalley courses and a WELL Accredited Professional certification later helped me let go of the past and finally create a vision for my future, to create my own blueprint.
I realised the importance of clarity and purpose to help set goals and make decisions. Having a clear direction cuts out the noise around me and helps me to move forward. Taking small steps everyday with the certainty that I have created a path to walk down.
I heard a quote saying,
“Your experiences happen for you, not to you.” – Cynthia Garcia
So what did I want to do with my experiences? The answer was simpler than I realised. I want to help others with their journeys. To help them create lives where they thrive.
Healing paired with knowing what I want is such a positive step.
Having my flat back and a having a stable place to live would mean so much to me and help so much with my mental stability as I move forward.