What I guess is my introduction?
So to ask for help is not something I find easy, but as it stands I don't know where to turn. I hope by reading this you have a look at your own life and take a bit of time to plan what you would do if your luck takes a turn for the worst. With any luck a few of you are able to lend me a helping hand and bring light back into my life.
Let's start with that I've always been the type of person to walk, dance and run everywhere. Being on my feet and active makes me happy and keeps me grounded. I made a foolish mistake which is where my journey started. I didn't listen to my body. I was pole dancing, trying new tricks and the one I wanted evaded me. Being stubborn I decided to keep trying even though my body was too tired. I got the trick wrong, bailed out and landed badly fracturing my ankle. I should have stopped, taken a break, listened to my body.
I was in a lot of pain. Hospital missed the fracture, the doctors told me the pain was in my head and that I was an attention seeker. I cried myself to sleep thinking myself insane for 9 months until I finally got an mri scan, by this time there was bad scaring and damage as I had been encouraged to 'just get on with it' instead of giving it the rest it needed. Outcome? Surgery.
6 weeks off work then back part time for a bit longer. The kicker.. No sick pay. By this point nothing you do can help financially, income protection won't help as you're already injured, private medical won't touch you. You're stuck and very much out of pocket.
Did it work? A little bit.. second time lucky??
Quite a tidy job if I do say so myself. My surgeon was fantastic. So we're about £5,000 down now due to two surgeries with no pay. Is it better? No.. 2 surgeries, 2 steroid injections, 1 pain specialist and countless physios and I still want to cry with pain after being on my feet for 15 minutes. Endless pain killers, appointments with therapists to try help the mental fallout. Medical professionals not believing your pain, being in pain so frequently that its exhausting and not being able to do what you love. No dancing no running.. just sit..
My hopes from this?
1) That I may be able to take a bit of time away from worry about my debt, to pay for some private physiotherapy sessions. Hopefully they have different resources available and may be able to help get me back on my feet again. I'm sure you all know what it feels like to be off the pole short term, it's got to the stage now where some days my mental health is so bad I'm wondering why I'm on the planet.. I feel useless.
2) That even just a couple of people read this and realise how 1 mistake, 30 seconds can turn your life upside down. We love pole, we love being active. Do you have sick pay at work? Do you have income protection? Can you afford your bills if something happens?
3) Trust your body and listen to it. When youre tired stop, take a break. If you feel pain and like something is wrong, something is! Only you are inside your body and know how it feels. Don't let any body else make you doubt yourself.
I'm determined one day I will dance again. With a little help from some little angels I may get there and when I'm in a position to help someone else I will never forget your kindness and generosity.
Thankyou for reading. Xx