Psychotherapy and mental health are dear to my heart. My own journey through therapy started at the age of 29, 14 years ago. I lived a very chaotic lifestyle until this age, when I finally broke and endured a nervous breakdown. Nothing made sense, my mind and body fragmented, and I longed to feel safe and ached for love and belonging.
I stopped all methods of coping that I had known, as I could no longer physically or mentally sustain the effects of alcohol or drugs. Without my coping strategies, I fell apart and then began my journey through many years of personal psychotherapy.
I would like to share a poem called “fragile”, that I wrote during this time of my life:
If you reached inside, I am sure to crumble
An unveiling of my heart, echoes a past not so humble
My fragile bones hold together this fragmented structure
Where this harrowing hurt is sure to rupture
An unstable tree, a delicate branch
Near to collapse, to be swept away by an emotional avalanche
A soul disintegrating like ashes falling to the ground
Nowhere in this body is safe and sound?
Tired and weak, this plagued mind must admit defeat
A delusional existence thirsty for love
A longing for this need I have been so deprived of
I whisper into the darkness the need for light
To heal this withered body before I give up the fight
Babyhood affects adulthood WTF?
I learnt and experienced just how much of my mental health problems had its origins in babyhood. My mind grappled to understand this, however my body remembered. Infancy and even before, in utero, has a lasting impact on a persons mental well-being. This was a alien concept to me, and personal therapy was a difficult process to explore this foreign place. I accessed the parts of me that had been in darkness for most of my life. My therapist’s ability and willingness to negotiate at the intimate edge, to hold me, to contain me, and meet the needs of the traumatised infant and child in me, brought about real lasting change. I can say hand on heart, she saved my life!
Where is the help?
“As she cries out in pain and terror I am holding her in that cold place, even though no one was there to hold her when she was first thrown into it. I am holding her by my presence and by my touch, holding her ambivalent feelings, and holding her terror of being left there”.
It is my mission to help others like I was helped. I have a specialist interest into how trauma during infancy affects the adult. There is a paucity of therapists in my geographical area that work with early relational/developmental trauma. During my 8 years of working in the NHS, I have seen time and time again the downfall of a system that is unable to meet the needs of people who are in excruciating emotional pain and have complex difficulties.
It is my passion and aim to offer ‘something different’. A long-term therapy that offers meaningful human contact within a mind and body psychotherapeutic approach. Through offering psychotherapy, I hope to reach the traumatised infant/child, that lives in the adult client, and help heal these deep wounds.
Where I am now 'your help needed'
I am a UKCP-registered trainee psychotherapist completing an MSc in Integrative Psychotherapy at The Sherwood Psychotherapy Institute in Nottingham, a training organisation affiliated with Staffordshire University.
2019 marks the last year of my training. Over the past year I have supported my son who lost his father last year to suicide. Despite struggles I have managed to continue to provide therapy and complete my third year of study. Unfortunately, recent unforeseen circumstances have made it impossible for me to cover the costs of my last year of training.
What do I need to make this future happen?
I am applying to you for help to cover £3000 cost of this fourth and final year of my training and the following process of graduation to become a qualified integrative psychotherapist.
- For 2 years I have been providing free counselling to the public at a placement in Leicestershire, and I have recently applied to offer my services at a domestic violence organisation- to get my full UCKP accreditation, necessary to qualify as a therapist, I need to offer 450 hours of psychotherapy
- Once a month I must attend supervision for my clients and pay for it
- I must attend my own weekly personal therapy and pay for it
“At this point in my professional journey I do not have anything material to offer in return for your generosity. But I have myself to share. With your help, and when I have qualified, I promise always to have one free or low-cost place in my practice for someone who would not have been able to afford this kind of help otherwise”
Please do ask questions if you want to know more – about how I work, why I feel it matters, and anything else you would like to know to make up your mind.