Our good friend and part-time tupperware collector Jason Hurley suffers from a rare disease called morbsperma. The non-life-threatening-but-well-annoying disease causes Jason to be profoundly sad and agressive, sometimes causing him to shout maniacally in Morrisons when he can only find the BBQ peanuts and not the salted cashews he was looking for; embarassing his friends greatly.
Psychiatrists have ascertained his perpetual sadness stems from being the worst member of hip hop phenomenon 'Verbal Highz' of which he is a back up dancer for. I should also mention Jason makes the cups of hot bovril for the other, more talented members of Verbal Highz and irons their trousers as appropriate (not a euphemism) sometimes in boarderline slave-like conditions.
Jason has long been fascinated by dolphins, often referring to them as "yeah alright fam" and "the Bill Cosby's of the sea". He has been drawn to their playful attitude and overt lack of morbsperma, wondering why they jump in the air so gleefully without a care in the world and often wondering what other uses there could be for their blowholes, leading to an injuction from Birmingham Sea Life Centre in 2006. He has since been acquitted of these crimes.
Our goal is to finally make Jason's dream of swimming with dolphins come true. Your donation will cover the cost of the swim, armbands (he's not a strong swimmer), £350 spending money for Jason so he can buy a souvenir and refreshing beverages, travel costs and 3 nights accommodation in Cancun for Jason and 2 carers.
2 carers are required to be with Jason for the full duration of the trip. 1 carer is needed to keep Jason's mind off his morbsperma, often distracting him with shiny trinkets like a magpie. The other carer is required to be on what we call "stun duty", always being poised with an XJ26 military grade tazer to (mostly) painlessly subdue Jason when he has one of his angry outbursts (for example if he remembers Mel Gibson's character lied to the other chickens in Chicken Run and it angers him). The 2nd carer is also on hand to create a safe perimeter around Jason to protect the general public from him.
We can not do this on our own but with your help we can make Jason's morbsperma a thing of the past, as Jason himself always says "Did they ever make a Titanic 3? If so I hope it had zombies in it...that would be hella dope bro". Use the hashtag #morbsjason to spread awareness.