Hi there, thanks for taking some of your time to look at my family project. I have no idea if this will work, I don't expect it to- but I'm willing to try anything!
A bit of fore warning to you all before you read. I have tried to be as honest as I can be. This means that some of my description of surgery/birth trauma is graphic. Please skip over those parts if you do not wish to read it.
First of all, my project is a secret. A secret I'm hiding from my husband- but I promise, it's a good one! Make sure you read all our history so you understand why I'm doing this.
Our story started about 5 years ago. I met Rob when I was at University and fell in love with him almost straight away. We balanced each other out and we had brilliant times together. Unfortunately, those times were sporadic, because at the time, Rob was in the Royal Air Force and spent most of his time away at work across the UK or abroad. This didn't stop us from planning our life together though. And 18 months after we met, Rob proposed, and I of course said yes. Continue on another 18 months and we had our wonderful wedding day.
All through this time we lived apart as we were never in the position to live together because of Robs work. However, in the military, once you're married youre entitled to military quarters/housing. So, when we got back from our honeymoon we moved into our first house together in Cambridgeshire near Robs base.
For the first couple of days it was hectic, like moving house is, but everything seemed to survive the three hour drive. We both went to work the following week (I had continued on at a graduate company that had placed me near Robs base) but one night that same week Rob came home and said 'I have been posted, we have to move again in a month'. My heart sank as I knew I couldn't continue working where I was and I was devastated that we had to uproot ourselves again.
Over the next month I handed in my resignation and began to pack our stuff up once again. Now, in military life this is considered normal, you go where you get told to go. So, a month later we started the journey further over the country to Norfolk, leaving us a minimum of three and a half hours away from all family.
Of course by this time, I am unemployed and Rob has to get straight back into work. So I stayed at home, sorted the house and started looking for work. We both started to feel low around that time as I struggled to find a job close enough or that was worth the travel time (We were in the middle of nowhere). A lot of military wives don't work, but it's not in my DNA and I was lost.
Longing for a purpose, and having a sort of 'f*** it' attitude, me and Rob fell pregnant. I was terrified. There is no other way to describe how I felt and then continued to feel throughout my pregnancy. You may say 'that is normal with your first', but unfortunately mine went past normal and it resulted in a diagnosis of antenatal depression. I refused medication as I didn't want to take anything that may change my pregnancy and I continued to stay at home, rarely leaving the house. This continued throughout the 9 months.
This takes us to a couple of days before my due date. On the Wednesday of that week I thought my waters had broke but I wasn't having any contractions so I went into hospital to be checked over. After much deliberation the midwives decided my waters had broken and I was booked in for an induction the next day. So, bags packed and ready to go, me and Rob went to the hospital to have our baby. However, when the consultant came to see us he told us my waters had not broken and I could go home. Deflated and suffering for an impromptu Sweep by that same consultant we headed back home. Luckily my parents had travelled down that day and it wasn't just me and Rob alone.
However, as it turned out, things kicked off that night anyway and I went into labour at 12:00am Friday 13th February. The next four hours went in a painful and at 4:02am my son, Oscar, was born. He was so unbelievably beautiful I couldn't understand how me and Rob had made something so outstandly perfect. For the following half hour after my son was born, me and Rob were overcome with emotion and happiness.
Now, Rob describes what happened next as 'an unbelievable comedown from that incredible happiness'
I knew something was wrong when my body started to tell me to push again. All of a sudden, from nowhere, it was like I was in labour again. I screamed that something wasn't right and the midwife came to me. She looked at me and called for another midwife. The next thing I registered was both midwives staring at my open legs and blood was gushing on to the table everytime I had one of those pushing impulses. I looked at Rob (who could see more than me) and I just saw terror and worry. I was told to get back on gas and air and one of the midwives sounded the alarm.
The next momentd are a total horrific blur. All of a sudden the room was filled with people and a consultant sat at my feet. What he did was worse than any chilbirth. I won't go into detail but I remember screaming for him to stop as I couldn't bare the pain any longer. The next thing I remember is being rushed into theater, counting back from 10 and I was gone.
For four hours Rob was in that same room with our newborn. He had watched me be wheeled off, the room became empty and he had no idea what was going on. To me, he had a far worst time during that morning-I was out cold for the duration of the surgery but Rob just had to wait with this new tiny little human. Put yourselves in his shoes and I think anyone would be scared.
When I came round I was wheeled to the recovery suite and a consultant came later that day to explain what had happened. After a child is born the Uterus contracts to stop all the flowing blood from the lining escaping into the womb. Unfortunately, my uterus didn't do that and it started to fill with blood. As the blood had nowhere to go, it started to clot. My body then tried to get rid of whatever was still in there- hence the pushing sensation. It's called a Postpartum hemorrhage.
I can barely remember the next few days- I was on morphene and unable to leave my bed for 24 hours. My son was next to me the whole time and he was the ray of sunshine in the awful situation. Sadly I can't remember seeing him straight after my surgery as I was too out of it. But over the next few days in hospital we got that special time together and the love I felt for him was breathtaking.
Now is the time to mention my darling husband. Through all of this Rob was so brave, he never showed me how much he was hurting and he was (and still is) the most sensational dad. He was my rock, he kept me together- and every night when he was asked to go, I could see how much he didn't want to leave us. Three days after Oscar was born- I begged to go home and the hospital gave me the okay to leave at 10pm that night.
The following months went by in a haze of hospital and doctors appointments; dirty nappies; good and bad tears and sleep deprivation.
Whilst preganant, I had hoped that my depression would subside once Oscar was born. Unfortunately, following the trauma of the birth, I was now suffering both physically and mentally.
Me and Rob both came out with mental health issues following the birth trauma. My depression manifested into bouts of manic anxiety, panic attacks and times of total misery. I was diagnosed with Postnatal depression and put on ani-depressants. Rob suffered with something similar to PTSD and we were both refered to different sections within the military and NHS. Rob recovered much quicker than I did and he never once stopped going to work, providing for me and Oscar. He looked after us and then some.
To this day Rob does not talk much about what happened. And if he does, he can't continue for long.
Fourteen months have gone by since my boy was born and in that time Rob has left the RAF and we have moved back to stafforshire. We now live with my mum and dad.
Rob made the decision to leave the RAF as he couldn't stand the thought of leaving us again. I never argued, as I hated being away from people we loved and I needed (still do) that extra support.
Through councilling I have come to terms with what happened and I know I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and son.
I have started this crowdfunding project because I just want to thank my husband by contributing to our savings. Through all my illness, I couldn't work and we couldn't ever afford to save. Robs wages were all we had for nearly two years and our plans of saving for a house deposit were put on hold.
We now live with my parents who have done everything they can to help us but we are still a way off having our own home and a place for Oscar to grow up. Rob has a good job and we are happier but still not quite there as money is a constant worry.
I started back to work in January following the okay from my doctor but it's not much money and I'd like to kick start our saving as a giant thank you to my husband for being so supportive through everything.
On rare occasions Rob will comment on how unlucky we have been during our time together. We seem to always be chasing normality. I have to remind him how lucky we are to have our perfect little boy but I still think in his head, he feels he has failed us by not having enough money to secure us a house.
So that's our story up to now.
This project is for Rob and Oscar. It's my way of saying thank you. All of the money will go towards a house deposit and put us on the right track to a normal, happy family life.
Any pennies you can spare would be appreciated beyond belief. If I get any money from this I will post a video of Robs reaction when I tell him.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read about us.
Natasha