Hello there, my name is Nick and I have suddenly found myself in the worst situation I could’ve imagined and I am now in desperate need of help.
This will take about 2 minutes to read, so if you can spare the time, please read my story to the end. There is so much information that I can't give here, but all I can say is that I am honest, empathetic and honourable and because of that, I have to be careful what I can and cannot share.
Up until a month ago, I was living with my wife and beautiful little 2 and a half year old daughter dreaming of our future together. As a photographer, about 9 months ago, I saw an image in my back garden that I really wanted to capture. I set up the shot by putting one of the garden chairs directly in the sunbeam and took the picture below.
One of my favourite things to do was to sit in one of those garden chairs in the sun and when I thought of the future, I thought that I would be in my 80’s and still be sitting in that chair. I thought that when I was finally gone, my daughter would have that image to remember me by, that sunbeam would eventually represent me.
That future has now been ripped away from me and I can never get it back. I am taking steps to prove that my wife has mentally abused me for two years using something called ‘gaslighting’ and she has now forced me out of the family home and is using access to my daughter to continue her pattern of abuse.
I haven’t seen my daughter for over a month, that’s the longest time I’ve spent away from her since she was born and it is absolutely killing me and I have no doubt at all in my mind that my daughter is wondering where her Daddy has gone and is missing me incredibly much.
Every night my daughter used to say, “Daddy sing you.”, which meant that she wanted me to sing her to sleep using one of a number of songs, mostly twinkle twinkle little star, sometimes row row, row, row your boat and sometimes, if she was being cheeky, she would ask for bear hunt and try and sing along, even though she was supposed to be going to sleep. I have such a wonderful relationship with my daughter, I have spent two and a half years making sure she is protected and safe, loving her with every fibre of my being and feeling incredibly privileged to not only be the man who gets to be her father, but also to have the time with her and watch her grow. Thanks to my wife and her lies, I can’t do that. She served me with a non molestation order which means I can’t go within 100 meters of the house, which means I can’t even be close to my daughter and she has continuously refused every scenario I have offered where my daughter and I get to spend time together in a place where my daughter is most comfortable, even for one hour a week.
The last time I saw her was a month ago at a contact centre. To appease my wife, even after everything she has done to me in the past two and a half years, I went and met my daughter at one of these contact centres. It was the worst experience of my life that both my daughter and I will never forget. Not only was it closer to a child prison than a support centre, there were no windows, most of the lights didn’t work, there was no electricity in the plugs for a fan to cool the room down, none of the toys had batteries, it stank and there were ceiling tiles hanging from the ceiling by threads above a children’s table and chairs, all of which I have photographic proof of. I had to pay £50 an hour for the ‘privilege’ of the experience and at the end, my daughter had to be dragged off of my neck whilst screaming “I want my Daddy! I want my Daddy!” It is a situation I will never put my daughter in again. That is the now the only way my wife is ‘happy’ for me to see my daughter. Please see the picture below, just one of several pictures I took from the contact centre my wife is 'happy' for me to visit with my daughter.
I have been failed by the NHS. I can’t prove I was mentally abused yet because I can’t afford the private assessment fee and my GP said unless I was ‘severely mentally ill’, she can’t refer me. I tried to explain my point that if this was all the service could do, if I was any weaker than I am, their failure would have led to someone’s suicide. I’ll be clear, I’m not suicidal and it has never and will never cross my mind, I can’t protect my daughter from the grave., but my situation has become one that someone might see it as the only way out.
I have been failed by legal aid because as I’m a respondent of a non molestation order, regardless of me still not being able to defend myself (and by the looks of things, still won’t be able to for another 3 months) and the fact it is based on a 2 page statement full to the brim of lies and fabrications about me not knowing right from wrong, being violent and abusive and mentally unstable, has been enough to make me out a criminal and therefore not eligible, even though I am not under any criminal investigation. I’m not under criminal investigation mainly because I’m not a criminal, and also the fact there is no proof anywhere of what my wife is saying and no reason at all to be saying any of it. This also means I am not even able to get a no win no fee lawyer, based on the order.
I have been failed by the police. One officer who responded to my first call to the police I had to ask three times to stop trivialising what I was saying and another office who was expecting me to tell him a very sensitive and emotional story in the reception of the police station with people waiting, rather than a quiet room in private. I explained to him that the system is heavily weighted against the father, to which he agreed not realising the irony of the fact that he had just proved himself to be part of the problem.
I have been failed by social services, they have either told me to go to the police or my GP, and then my GP or the police tell me to go to social services.
I have been failed by citizens advice, when I went to get help about the order, on the back of the order itself it stated that the CAB could help me contest it and when I spoke with the CAB they said that their number shouldn’t be on there as they have no control of who puts their number down and cannot help me.
I have been failed by the contact centre I visited who for some reason spent more time in the report talking about my complaints of their awful service than saying how much of a wonderful and infinitely strong bond I have with my daughter. They said that my daughter was 'initially nervous and had to be encouraged by the grandparents to see dad.' The point they refer to is when my daughter arrived and a stranger was trying to lead her away from her grandparents and I heard the commotion. I stuck my head around the door to encourage my daughter up the corridor, but I was told to put my head back in. This is the corridor my daughter was reluctant to walk down with a stranger;
The fact that they have used the langage 'reluctant to see Dad' shows that they haven't considered the obvious reasons why a little girl would not want to walk up the above corridor with a stranger and have just picked the most damaging one for me. They didn't mention the fact I tried to make it easier for my daughter by popping my head out. It's another battle I have yet to fight, but it is abundantly clear that the report is unjustifiably biased against me.
I am now in a position where I can’t get legal aid, I can’t get a no win no fee lawyer, I can’t afford to get a psychiatric assessment which will help me hugely in my defence, I can’t fill in a C100 form for ordered contact with my daughter because I don’t have a lawyer and I don’t understand some of the questions and I can’t see my daughter unless I spend £150 to see her in the child prison, something that will never happen again. All of this is because of a 2 page statement full of lies and manipulation.
I have proof right now that my wife has lied, but because I’m jumping through hoops I still have to wait it out because I can’t afford to get help and the whole system in the UK is biased against fathers.
This is where I need your help. There are things I can do which are going to greatly decrease the time I have to wait to see my beautiful little girl, but all of these things cost way more money than I have. A psychiatric assessment, privately will cost me upwards of £1,000. To get a lawyer to help me fill in the C100 form so I can see my daughter will cost me upwards of £600. I have no money and I’m trying to work as much as I can in amongst this incredibly terrible situation. My creativity has been absolutely destroyed and, being in the creative industries, I’m struggling to do anything other than take steps to fight for my daughter, something I have done every day and night since I was forced from the family home.
If you could spare anything, please do. I have no options anymore, I’ve exhausted every avenue of help and support and I have no choice but to try this again. I tried this a while back and because I was a lot more personal last time, it is now being used against me.
Thank you so much, I have a wonderful support network so I’ll be stronger than I ever was when this is all over and I see my daughter, but I just need help with trying to pay all these extortionate legal fees.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.